Dear Wonderful and Talented Volleyball Team, Coaches and Staff:
We, the undersigned, hereby request that you seek out, posthaste, a qualified cardiologist to sit in the stands with the fans. I'd suggest that his or her seat be close to the Aggie bench so he or she will be available to any of you who might need assistance, especially a certain head coach.
The candidate should have the following qualifications:
1. Must be a die-hard Aggie fan. No sense in risking employing a Miner or Lobo.
2. Must be available for pre-game conferences, held on the north side of the Pan Am under the blue tent.
3. Must be able to recognize the danger zone in the Mike-O-Meter.
4. Must carry his or her own defibrillator which should be fully charged at all times.
We thank you for your consideration.